On The Outside

On the outside, people see as a callus jerk with a caustic sense of humor.  They might be right.  Inside I have always tried to stand for truth, justice and the American dream.


But, dreams will be dreams.  They don't come true for most people and certainly not for me.


I sat watching a "severe" thunderstorm come from the southwest, (it's 68 degrees on the 20th of February, so it's a rarity) and wanted the storm to blow me away to a better place. 


The Earth is a very lonely place.   I don't understand the meaning of love.   It's not inside me.  Inside, I'm dead.  No emotion except for hurt which can and is often expressed in anger.  (I'm a Scorpio for you astrologers.)


So why stay?  Because I'm stuck in this loop of bad luck, no luck, bad luck and worse luck.  No matter how hard I try, the wheels are spinning in mud.   There's no reverse.   Everything goes forward.   But why on the same loop every day.


When I'm gone, no one will remember me.  Why?  Because I've always been the outsider.  Or, I've been the person in the background taking care of the details in this party we call life so that others can give toasts and speeches.  I sit in the wings, confused by it all.


Maybe that's the answer...